Knowing Nothing
by YB Fan
Summary: Kurogane muses about the situation in Acid Tokyo. Spoilers for Acid Tokyo. Possible implied KuroFai.
1. Chapter 1

After watching the OVA Tokyo Revelations I just had to write something. About Kurogane. Because he was being the most mature and calm, but I wondered what was going on inside his head, how when Fay was no longer in danger of dying he would start to really think 'bout the screwed up situation, since Fay knows everything and he knew nothing, yet Kurogane was the one doing everything he could after the situation. I guess this isn't really a fanfiction since it's based on an original scene and its just my own interpretation so I can't really say it's my first Tsubasa fanfic, but tell me if you want to read more. Possible KuroFai but nothing explicit by Kurogane until maybe the next chapter. Maybe. It's still early. Spoilers from the OVA, or that part of the manga. If you haven't read to the events in Acid Tokyo you might not want to read this. Just telling in case there's anyone who just got into the fandom like me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa, nor do I own this canon scene.

* * *

_"Sakura is my most precious person. I will never let Sakura die!"_

_Drenched in the rain, the kid he had come to know had exclaimed, set determination in his eyes. He had known the price, and even back then when he had just met the kid for the first time, he'd- approved of him. Approved his strong will and resolution to protect the one he loved._

_Just like how his own father had told him; to use his strength to protect the ones he loved._

_It was something he had forgotten, lost sight of, and he'd never wanted to go on this stupid journey in the first place, he'd just wanted to get back to his homeland, back to Nihon and Princess Tomoyo (what the hell had she been thinking- sending her best ninja off; did she want to get assassinated? He was damn sure there were so many other people after her just because of her status, besides the ones he had killed-weak, they were all weak, but they were weak to him, everyone was weak to him, like Tomoyo's other ninjas), be back at her side and protect her, like how she had protected him from himself when he had gone insane with rage- he was supposed to be at her side damn it, not on some stupid journey with people he didn't even know and a talking manjuu bun!_

_Tomoyo had sent him off to learn the meaning of true strength, and he would admit- maybe this was…not inevitable, no, he refused to believe that damn witch, but maybe, it had been a right decision on her part. As strange as it was, he'd found himself wanting to protect these people he met. A princess missing her memories, a boy doing anything to get them back, an idiotic smiling mage who refused to use his magic, a talking manjuu. Really, what would they do without him? They needed him to protect them. The kid was mature for his age, but he was still inexperienced in many ways, and he couldn't be a quick learner if there was no one to teach him. The princess needed to be protected always, but she could be as stubborn as the boy she had forgotten and put herself in danger for him. And though the magician clearly had the magical capacity (his mother had been a miko, he could sense the substantial magic from that liar), he refused to use his magic- how would he protect the princess that way? And the manjuu couldn't fight. Had he not been roped into this crazy journey, they would have had a harder time._

_Well that was what that idiot had said, but he had broken his own vow and used his magic for the children. Of course the idiot had denied it and he'd had to press him until he gave in. And just when he thought they would finally be able to have a serious conversation, he'd given that fake smile again, and it was clear that as he turned away, he was turning away from their conversation. And it'd pissed him off. Why did he even care? Hell he didn't know. But he cared and it pissed him off that the stupid mage was being stubborn till the end._

_Yeah, the end. Literally. Because that idiot mage had broken his vow a second time and used his magic for the kid, and had gotten his eye fucking eaten because of it. _

_And now he was dying._

* * *

_"I won't let him die. He can't die. Fuck, why the hell is he already thinking of dying?!"_

Before he even knew what he was doing he'd slammed his fist into the wall and stomped over to the dying idiot who was stubborn until the end, grabbed him and been ready to punch his fucking lights out, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions in his mind-

"Why the hell…are you already thinking of dying?!"

And then the idiot just looked at him with the one blue eye he had left, smiled weakly and murmured softly.

"I'm sorry."

And he'd watched, holding the mage's broken gaze before his body gave out and his eye closed, his head flopping to the side, his face as pale as if he was already dead.

But he wasn't. He wasn't dead. He was dying, but not dead. He wasn't dead.

Yet.

He knew he was alone in this. Alone. He could feel the sympathetic gazes on him, the kid, the people they had just met, even the witch, the manjuu. All along on this journey, he'd had people, no matter how much he hadn't wanted them at first. He'd had the princess who was too kind for her own good, the determined kid and the mage who smiled all his fake smiles but was always by his side. But now the princess was broken and crying in her sleep, the kid was gone, the new kid was as lost as him, the mage was dying.

There was only him left.

It was fucked up, so fucked up. Him, the one who'd never wanted to go on this journey in the first place ending up with this burden on his shoulders. Because he had come to care for every single one of them, care like he never knew he could care. And through all the convoluting emotions, he clung with his bloody hands, hands that had caused countless deaths, to the one thing he was sure of.

He didn't want the mage to die. He didn't care if the mage would hate him for saving his life when he didn't want to be saved.

_"Fuck. I don't care about anything else! He won't like it but I don't give a damn whether he likes living or not. I will never let him die. I'm not losing him, not now. I won't let him leave."_

He'd never known how important the mage who called himself Fay- (but he never called him that 'cause the mage never called him by his own name anyway, he was just the smiling idiot mage) was to him until he was holding him, the balls of cotton wool stained with blood near them, blood from his gouged out eye, as he took what could be his last, final breaths, right in front of his eyes.

Kurogane clenched his teeth, his heart heavy in his chest. What was this, karma? He had caused the deaths of so many others so right now he had to watch someone important to him dying?

Again?

No. He was dying, but not dead. Not dead yet. He wouldn't let him die.

Never.

This was one death he didn't want to see.

Kurogane closed his eyes and made a deal with the witch he had never trusted, the person whom had taken away his most precious thing from him.

"Witch, is there a way to stop him from dying?"

And he wasn't looking at the witch but at the dying mage, but when she finally spoke as his heart pounded in his chest, it was as if she knew that from the very beginning since they had first met, he would one day come to make this deal with her.

And since she was the space time bitch, she probably did.

"There is."

And even that didn't take the surprise or relief away.

For that was all he needed to know at the moment.

He just needed to know the mage would live.

The price didn't matter. He would pay it no matter what.

The witch had already taken away what was most important to him.

There was no way in hell he was about to lose another.

* * *

What had he done?

He had saved the mage.

…He had _saved _the mage.

He had offered up his own blood and freedom for the mage's life.

And he found himself unable to leave the mage's side, unable to leave him, even if he had to carry him everywhere they had to go for the deal for the water.

Who knew what would he do if he woke alone?

He had brought him away from the edge of death where he was almost ready to throw himself over the edge and give the new kid, the heartbroken princess, the manjuu, a new devastating loss.

Wasn't the kid- the kid that even he had grown to respect- wasn't him leaving them and betraying them – (using his own sword skills which he had taught to him on them) enough of a blow? How could the mage even _think_ of willingly ending his life? Ending his presence in their lives?

Yeah, it was a betrayal. And it was the first betrayal he had experienced. He had grown fond of the kid. Just as his own father had taught him the sword, he'd taught the kid how to wield a sword for the sake of protecting his most important person. He'd been his mentor, almost like his father damn it (and this did _not_ have any relation to that damned joke of him being the daddy the mage and manjuu refused to drop). He'd known something was up with him, but he didn't think- that he didn't originally have a heart. Didn't he say the princess was his most precious person? What the hell had happened to that?

For once, he hadn't had his sword. His senses had been tingling with danger, and he'd been so panicked, feeling that something bad was happening and he had to get in there no matter what that having his sword was not his priority. He should be fucking _ashamed_ of himself, as a ninja, for he had held onto his sword and his ways all his life and he had just abandoned it in a moment of panic, something he had laughed at his opponents for doing. But he knew the mage had done something without his knowledge, something dangerous and irreversible, something involving the kid because god damn it, why hadn't they come back after so long-what the hell was this dreamseer prattling on about the princess's soul being someplace else- he couldn't wait any longer, he was the warrior, he had to be there no matter what.

He had been furious, but because he didn't have his weapon he couldn't fight- couldn't fight as he had trained to do all his fucking life, as he had done in all the worlds they had been in. He could only stay there and hold the dying mage and protect his broken body from _his _magic the kid who had lost his heart was using. His back still hurt and he knew there was blood all over his shirt, but it was nothing compared to what that stupid, idiotically selfless mage had gone through for the sake of attempting to return the kid's lost heart.

And he'd been furious too, not only at the kid and the mage but at himself. All along, he had protected the group, their fucking little family they had come to be, as much as he hated to admit it, protected the manjuu and the princess and the mage who didn't want to use his magic and instead looked out for the princess- but at the one time they really needed his strength, he hadn't been there. He knew that despite his smiles and laid back nature, the mage was a combat veteran, he'd shown that in Yama, he'd earned the position of Yasha's top fighter (along with him) himself. But the one time he'd been helpless (and not just pretending so his opponent would underestimate him), he had no one to save him.

Tch. Damn idiot probably had wanted it that way, had expected it would turn out that way. That was why he had left him with the princess.

...Fuck, it all made sense now. Why the hell hadn't he seen it?! He'd thought the idiot was just trying to piss him off. The mage was usually the one by the princess's side- and he the one in battle, if they'd switched and the mage was with the kid after their little talk- god damn it!

Shit, the one time his strength was really needed- he couldn't use it. Why? Why the hell had it turned out like that? Wasn't he supposed to use his strength to protect those important to him? He hadn't- hadn't been able to protect the kid from himself, the princess from heartbreak, and the mage who was looking so damn weak and pale, eyes closed, hair rumpled, and so-fucking fragile.

Kurogane frowned. Was this what the mage had been trying to hide from him? Was this what was under that mask of smiles?

Why had he saved him when he didn't want to be saved?

…Because he didn't want him to die. No matter what he thought of himself. Not only because the princess would be devastated and the new kid would feel sad, and the manjuu would cry. But also because he, however absurdly, had grown to care for him. If it had been anyone else asking him to let him die, he probably would have killed them and granted their wish himself. Well anyone other than the kid and the princess- they wouldn't ever wish for such a thing. Only the self deprecating, but stupidly selfless mage who always smiled to hide his pain would.

Kurogane knew he wasn't some matyr. Hell, he'd killed too many people to count, and enjoyed every single second of it. He hadn't thought he'd ever come to care for people other than Tomoyo and her family. But he had, and he knew, if he could help it, he would never let any one of them die. Not even the mage who saw no worth in his own life.

He couldn't let the mage die. He didn't care what he had to give up, the thought of him dying sent a chill through his bones. Fuck no, he couldn't die, not after he had done so much for the children, not when they had gotten this far, he refused to let him leave like a fucking coward even if he was a fucking coward.

Blood. Blood was easy to give. He had shed so much blood, he supposed it was only fair he gave his own. What wasn't easy to give was his freedom. He had always been free, not bound to anyone. He served under his Princess Tomoyo with responsibility as her ninja, but as his own being, he had been _free_.

But now he wasn't. Because he wanted to save the mage. He had given up his freedom for his life. He had made a deal with that witch he didn't trust, just to save the mage's life. With this, the mage couldn't run from him anymore if he wanted to live. And he knew he would live, if only for the sake of the broken princess.

His freedom…was a small price to pay for the life of someone who had grown to be important to him.

For he couldn't deny it. The mage was important. Important to the princess and the kid (somewhere in his lost heart) and this kid and to him. Whether he liked it or not.

Why was he important- he didn't care. He just was and it was a fact he had accepted, while the mage was still, as still as if he was dead.

Kurogane's heart clenched as he waited, staring out into the pouring rain. He'd never been good at waiting. But now he had to wait. Because he had told the princess he would wait for her to come back. Even if waiting was more painful than going with her. Was this what the princess felt every time they left for battle? But she had believed in them, and it was their turn to believe in her. He had told her he would wait, and he was a man who never went back on his words. So he would wait for her to come back.

And he was also waiting for the mage to wake up. Because he couldn't stand to see those blue eyes- eye closed, that face as pale as death. As if he hadn't just sacrificed his own freedom for the sake of his life.

But at the same time, he wanted him to rest. His body needed it, even if he would protest. But he was unconscious and he couldn't protest and push himself beyond his limit like the selfless idiot he was and that suited fine for him.

And his heart needed it too, needed the rest to be prepared to hear the news that the princess had gone into danger all on her own, for the first time, in one of the more dangerous worlds. The mage cared for her so much, he wouldn't be surprised if he punched him for that.

So maybe it was a good thing he was still asleep after all. Still resting and truly oblivious for once.

But when the blond didn't wake after some silent time, Kurogane felt himself begin to get worried.

And it was illogical, but what if the vampire blood disagreed with his body? With his magic? He still had half of his magic left, right? What if vampire powers and magic didn't mix? He'd never heard of a vampire with magic before. A magical vampire. But then again, he hadn't even known vampires actually existed so who was he to talk?

He almost reached out to the mage, to check if his heart was still beating, but then reminded himself of course it was for wasn't he still breathing, softly but he was breathing so he was definitely alive. He was just resting, it didn't matter if he wasn't waking up after so long, the transformation had been painful if even he showed his pain so explicitly, he needed to rest just like that vampire had said. So why the hell was he getting so worried and wishing he would wake up?

And besides, he had made the deal with the witch. And even though the space time bitch asked for high prices, he could at least trust, not just the manjuu but also the fact that she did grant wishes as long as one could pay the price. Which he did.

Because if she didn't he would grab the manjuu and demand to be teleported to wherever the hell the space time bitch was and strangle her with his bare hands, he didn't give a damn whether killing her would disrupt the space-time continuum or not, things were already fucked up as they were anyway. And while he was at it, he would take back Ginryuu, his most precious thing. He had to take his anger out on somebody, didn't he? He couldn't on the new kid or the mage or the princess or even the manjuu. What better target for his anger than the one who knew everything but told nothing? The dimensional bitch better have a damn good reason for not saying anything.

But luckily for her she did grant wishes for that was her job. So the mage was definitely alive. And that was enough for him. He was alive, that was all that mattered for now.

Kurogane inhaled.

Wasn't it?

A soft sound snapped Kurogane out of his thoughts and he turned, to see the mage's pale hand reaching out to him as he lifted his thin frame. He stared, heart beating faster than normal, as the mage's hand dropped and he lowered his head.

He was awake. And he had reached out to him, even if it was done unconsciously.

There was…hope.

And as he thought that, the blond's blue eye opened and he straightened with a plastic smile, and said the words that would haunt him for the days to come.

"Good morning, Kurogane."


	2. Chapter 2

What…is this pain?

Why the hell do I feel such pain?

Fuck. It's not as if anybody stabbed me- it's not as if anyone could.

But damn it, my heart hurts. That stupid fake smile, it's like the bastard's way of stabbing a dagger into my heart.

But then, I knew he would hate me for this.

And I knew it would hurt.

I just didn't think it would hurt this fucking much.

And he's still smiling.

It's the first time he called me by my name and not some stupid nickname.

And I'm not happy at all.

"Don't move."

I clench the cloak in my hand, as the smiling idiot smiles wider and says, "I'm not going anywhere."

Now it feels like he's ripped my heart out and is poking it with those stupid pale fingers which broke their vow to not use magic to see how much pain he can deal me.

But then if my heart was ripped out I wouldn't be feeling this pain. So he didn't rip it out when I wasn't looking.

Which is one reason why I never let my guard down around him.

I throw the cloak at him, and as he looks at me in surprise and pulls it over his head, I gain the courage to look him in the eye he has left, "Don't move around yet."

And then I walk away to where the kid is.

Fuck no, I'm not running away. I'm not a coward like him.

I just need, time.

And he needs time as well.

* * *

He's talking to that witch, I know.

Who knows what the hell people who know everything but tell nothing talk about.

It's none of my business, and I'm no eavesdropper.

The kid- the new kid's over there, staring out into the rain waiting for the princess to come back.

The symbol of the one who killed my mother is still on his shirt and I throw the cloak over to him.

He gasps in surprise as if snapping out of his thoughts. He pulls it around him as he turns to me and I say, "Wear that."

"Thank you."

Considerate like the other kid. He lowers his eyes as he pulls the cloak to cover the symbol on his shirt and I look at him, pushing down the anger at the sight of that symbol as I see the guilt in his eyes.

"It's not like you were wearing that of your own volition."

The kid knows that as well, but it doesn't stop him from saying as he looks away, "But…I doubt it's something you want to see."

He really is like him. Not only in looks but attitude. Caring for others' feelings above his own.

Tch. Everyone around me is too fucking kind for their own good.

Even that damn mage.

I'm not kind. The mage wanted to die but I'm not kind enough to grant his wish.

I don't care what his reasons are, I want him to live.

I don't want to lose him.

I don't want to lose anyone important to me anymore.

Even if I have to offer up my own blood in exchange.

Because once he's dead, no matter what I do, even if I kill everyone around me (except those I care about), it won't bring him back. He'd be gone forever.

The dead can't ever be brought back.

That's the one thing I'll agree with the space time bitch with.

I've learnt that lesson well.

The kid's still looking away, a sombre expression on his face, and I look at him, "The witch said you were held captive the whole time by the one who bears that crest." And I still don't trust the witch, but I know she doesn't lie.

"Yes. But I can't tell you what world he's in." The guilt is still in his eyes, "Even if I did know, I don't have the power to cross dimensions, so I can't take you there."

He raises his gaze, looking genuinely apologetic despite his own worries, "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault, is it?"

I may kill people for things they did but I don't blame people for things they haven't done. I don't blame someone who's faultless.

I look at the kid as he looks at me. He looks exactly the same as the kid I knew, hair, facial expression, all identical. His attitude, serious but genuine disposition match the kid's as well.

But he isn't the kid we came to know and care about, and as he stares with sombre eyes with that identical face, wearing that cloak that almost reminds me startlingly of the kid who left, the realization strikes me.

"He's never coming back, huh? That kid."

The new kid lowers his gaze as well, and there's a silence in the air that reinforces the answer better than anything he said could have.

Shit. Things are really fucked up, aren't they? The kid gone, the new kid is someone we didn't even know the existence of before today, the princess broken, and the mage so damn fragile yet he still has the strength to hate me.

Not that I expected anything else.

Doesn't stop it from hurting though.

…Damn it.

"We have to decide by the time the princess comes back."

The kid doesn't nod, but there's a solemn agreement in his eyes. I don't expect him to do anything, he just got out from what was practically prison for him.

The mage is still back there talking to the witch, the princess hasn't come back, I don't need to be reminded what happened to the kid we knew.

It's all up to me, whether I like it or not. I have to decide.

"Decide what to do next."

The kid looks at me with a wisdom beyond his years, and though I don't want to be, I'm reminded of the kid who left. The solid determination in his eyes reflects that of the kid when we first saw him, holding his princess to him and willing to do anything to save her life-

…Wait.

_"Your price will be your relationship."_

_"Even if she gets all her memories back, she will never remember Syaoran-kun. Syaoran-kun knew that, which is why he didn't tell her anything."_

_"Please take care of Fay-san."_

_"Even if he smiles from now on, it doesn't mean he has accepted the choice you made for him."_

_"…I know."_

I know. I know now. I just did the same thing, didn't I? The same thing as the kid.

Because I was desperate. Yeah, I'll admit it. I was desperate. Fucking ironic since I've killed so many and I was so damn desperate for one person's life.

I just wanted him to live. I didn't care about anything else.

So the witch was warning me, huh? Well that's too late now.

Damn it. I knew something was fishy. I didn't know what she'd take since she already took Ginryuu, but after she said I'd no longer need to be the mage's game once he got his eye back (which we damn well will), I knew something was up.

Intangibles can be taken as well. I gave not only my blood and freedom as the price, but how much I've progressed with the stubborn idiot.

That was the real price.

Yeah it's too late to realize, isn't it?

Not that I didn't know before, but it's only now after he called me by my name for the first time with the fakest smile I've ever seen on him that I've understood.

Because it's changed.

Our relationship.

And now I'm back to square one.

I think of the kid. Not the one in front of me but the one we knew. Is this how he felt when the princess he's known for such a long time and who's always been by his side asked who he was?

It fucking hurts.

I know my heart's not gonna rip but it feels like it is.

That dagger's in again, even if someone were to stab me with a real knife, it wouldn't hurt as much. It wouldn't go as deep. I can take physical pain, it's emotional pain that I've got to cope with.

Yeah. Coincidentally, it's raining, just like that day in the first world when the kid realized the extent of his price.

And I'm now realizing mine.

He's important to me. I don't know how he got to be so important but he is. The witch knew that, didn't she.

"_But sometimes, you have to have the strength to cry when you want to."_

Crying isn't only for weaklings. But I've cried too much in the past. Cried and raged. And I got stronger, strong enough so I wouldn't need to cry anymore. I'm not gonna start again now.

If things have turned out this way there's nothing I can do. This was my choice. So I won't run, I'll accept the choice I made.

Fuck you, mage. Why the hell do I care so much for you when all you do is push me away? Who knew the guy who called me all those stupid girly nicknames and refused to fight like a man and did so many things which pissed me off yet I could never hit him- who knew you would become so important to me?

The kid was willing to pay the price for the princess to live. He barely hesitated. And now I've done the same. The princess is his most precious person. She is the one he loves with all his heart.

I don't know if you're that, I don't know shit about love, if this feeling is love or not-if you somehow came to be fucking precious to me- but you are important to me and don't you dare think your life is worthless. I've killed so many for the sake of my own selfish ambitions and yet I saved your life. Don't you think that's got to mean something?

…So maybe I'm a bit of a coward 'cause I can't say this to you. I can only say it inside my head.

But how many times have I told you? I don't care about your past. So why do you keep holding back? You think you're the only one who has suffered? I've got things I regret, we all have, but in life things always get screwed up but you've just got to move on. Hold your head high and walk forward. Like the princess did. She looks so fragile but her will is unbreakable. That's why I know she'll come back to the people waiting for her. No matter what. That's why I can believe in her. And I'm proud of her. She's strong. Maybe even stronger than you are right now.

"…Have you decided?"

I don't know how long I spent thinking, going over this new realization in my head, but it must have been some time because the kid looks like he's been waiting. So I waste no time in giving him my answer.

"Yes." I avert my gaze, "There are things that haven't changed and things that have."

Things like we're all still alive. No matter how screwed up things have become, we're all still alive, even the mage who was minutes away from death, and the kid who left. That remains the same. We've got to be grateful for that. Life is precious. Things like I know that no matter what, I have to look forward, like what I told the kid to do. And I'm still returning to Nihon. That hasn't changed.

As for the things that have changed…

"Why did you let Sakura-chan get the price on her own?"

…That's another thing that hasn't changed. The mage's protectiveness of the princess.

But that's also one thing that has changed.

The look in his eye.


End file.
